Second Chances
by Nickka
Summary: This is the fall of our secrets / Harry and Severus share, discover, comfort and trust eachother and work tohether to uncover an important secret. Will they succeed? Will they survive? Will they have faith in each other? Will they have a second chance? / No slash. M for mentions of rape. Rewritten version of my fiction Arcane.
1. Chapter 1 - The Fall Of Our Secrets

**_Hello everyone_**

 ** _This is a re-writeen version of my current fiction "Arcane". I've decided to make some changes in the story, due to a writer's block. I will adjust the events to my future plans for the storyline. I hope you all like this new version. Please let me know what you think, good or bad, all kinds of feedback is appreciated._**

 ** _This is a hurt-comfort, family, drama and adventure story, which includes our favourite potions master and "the brat" :)_**

 ** _No slash, no father-son, kind of AU. Snape-mentor fic._**

 ** _There will be mentions of abuse and rape, which is why the story is rated M, so pleae read at you own risk._**

 ** _Please note that i am not a native english speaker ;)_**

 ** _Oh and, - HP belongs to J.K.R. I would love to have it but unfortunately I do not. I've just cited a small amount from OOtP. -_**

 ** _Enjoy,_**

 ** _Nickka_**

* * *

 ** _CHAPTER 1 - The Fall Of Our Secrets_**

 _"Please, don't kill my child!" Lily screamed, trying to cover Harry's little crib with her own body._

 _"Get out of the way, woman!" Voldemort commanded, pointing his wand at her. "Avada Kedavra!" he yelled as a beam of green light shot at the woman. She screamed and fell to the ground dead._

 _Baby Harry was crying in his crib when the bad man walked near him and aimed his wand at Harry, yelling "Avada Kedavra!". The same green light hit Harry, but then it backfired and Voldemort was hit by his own spell._

 _There was a long moment of silence. After that, seeing his mother's lifeless body on the ground, Harry began crying loudly._

 _No one was in the room, nor anyone coming to get him. His mother was lifelessly lying on the floor and he was alone for a very long time. Waiting someone to come and take him._

 _Finally, a man with long white hair and a long beard walked in the room and bitterly smiled at him,_

 _"Oh Harry," he said, "There there my child. Come dear, let's get you out of here."..._

* * *

"What was that? Has anyone told you about that?"

"No. I.. I don't know sir. A dream maybe..."

"Clear your mind, Potter! Let go of all emotion."

But Harry's anger at Snape continued to pound through his veins like venom. Let go of his anger? He could as easily detach his legs...

"You're not doing it, Potter... You will need more discipline than this... focus, now..."

Harry tried to empty his mind, tried not to think, or remeber, or feel...

"Let's go again... on the count of three... one - two - three - Legilimens!"

* * *

 _A great black dragon was rearing in front of him... his father and mother were waving at him out of an enchanted mirror... Cedric Diggory was liying on the ground with blank eyes staring at him..._

* * *

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Harry was on his knees again, his face buried in his hands, his brain aching as though someone had been trying to pull it from his skull.

"Get up!" said Snape sharply. "Get up! You are not trying, you are making no effort. You are allowing me access to memories you fear, handing me weapons!"

Harry stood up again, his heart thumping wildly as though he had really just see Cedric dead in the graveyard. Snape looked paler than usual, and angrier, though not nearly as angry as Harry was.

"I - am - making - an - effort," he said through clenched teeth.

"I told you to empty yourself of emotion!"

"Yeah? Well, I'm finding that hard at the moment." Harry snarled.

"Then you will find yourself easy prey for the Dark Lord!" said Snape savagely. "Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad moments and allow themselves to be provoked so easily - weak people, in other words - they stand no chance against his powers! He will penetrate your mind with absurd ease, Potter!"

"I am not weak," said Harry in a low voice, fury now pumping through him so that he thought he may attack Snape in a moment.

"Then prove it! Master yourself!" spat Snape. "Control your anger, discipline your mind! We shall try again! Get ready, now! Legilimens!"

* * *

 _Snape was now watching Uncle Vernon grabbing a long metal tool and waving in towards Harry. He was tasting the blood in his mouth. Some big, strong hands grabbing Harry's wrists from behind and throwing him to the corner of an empty room. He was seeing the fear in boy's eyes, genuine pure fear, for the first time. He was feeling the pain and humiliation when he was grabbed and his clothes stripped of. Snape wanted to vomit as he watched Vernon Dursley focefully raping the boy..._

* * *

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Harry screamed, throwing the man out of his mind for the first time. They were both on all fours now on Snape's office floor. Harry rapidly pushed himself to the wall in hopes of it swallowing him whole. He put his hands on his face, and cried into his hands, hot tears and started to heavily breathe.

"No... no... no... leave me alone... don't look at me... no... no..." he was murmuring.

On the other side of the office, Snape was panting for air. Feeling sick, he heaved and threw up on the rug. He heaved several times after that, but it was mostly dry heaves. Out of breath, he adjusted himself slowly and now he was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall and his knees pulled up to his panting chest.

"Potter, look at me," he demanded, his voice was flat and hard. Harry didn't respond.

"Potter!" he tried one more time, his voice was firm again.

"No... no... no... no..." the boy was muttering to himself, "Don't talk to me... don't look at me... no..."

Snape took a deep breath and released it. "Harry," he said, this time his voice was calm and somehow comforting. Harry couln't keep his eyes from closing and savoring the feeling. And then suddenly his eyes shot open again with agony.

"No!" he said, pushing himself further to the wall. Not dairng to raise his eyes and look at the man.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" the soft voice asked again.

Harry kept murmuring to himslef.

"Why, Harry?" Snape demanded.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. The man didn't take his eyes off of the boy; yet the boy still could't dare to look at the man.

"Harry," he tried again, but this time he was cut.

"No, stop it!" Harry shouted, "Stop acting like you care! You never cared, okay?! How would you know? You keep asking questions! Why? Why... If I told you why, do you think you would understand?!"

"Harry..."

"You don't understand! Okay?! No one does!"

"No, Harry look..."

"No one understands! You don't understand!"

"But I do..." Snape said. It came out almost like a whisper. At first Harry didn't seem like he heard it.

He kept shouting: "People act like they care. But then they..." he stopped. "You do?" he asked, looking right at the man this time.

"I do." Snape replied, closing his eyes and swallowing the pain.

Harry was puzzled. "You mean... you..." he started to ask.

"Yes!" Snape replied with a deep sarrow and yet understanding in his eyes.

 **To Be Continued...**

* * *

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	2. Chapter 2 - The Leap Of Faith

**CHAPTER 2 - The Leap Of Faith**

"You… were..?"

"Yes,"

"But…" Harry was shocked. It seemed impossible to share the same nightmare with his Potions Professor. Because he was such a profound and powerful person. It seemed impossible. Impossible…

They sat on the floor for a couple of minutes more in silence. Snape, the back of his head on the wall, was simply looking at Harry, as if he was waiting for him to say something. On the other hand, Harry was speechless. His hands were still shaking and he didn't know what to do, where to look or what to say.

"Didn't you tell anyone?" Snape asked in a low voice. His voice was soothing and yet was full of power.

"No," Harry simply replied.

"No one knows?"

"No…"

"Even your closest friends?"

"I said no!" Harry was angry this time, "Don't ask anymore!"

"You should tell someone."

"Is that what you did? When you were…" he couldn't find the right phrase to use, "You told someone?"

"I did." Snape nodded his head, "..and it helped."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Someone has to know about it."

"You do now."

"Yes, I do know what happened to you. But I don't know how you feel about it."

"I'm not telling you anything about that!"

"It doesn't have to be me."

"No, I'm not telling anyone!"

Severus Snape only looked at the boy with sincere eyes. Then there was a silence again. It was not an uncomfortable one though. It almost felt like they were sharing a moment together. Maybe the man was right, Harry thought. It was already comforting to know that someone knew the uglest thing about him. It felt relieving. Suddenly he realized what Snape did for him. He had revealed his own secret just for Harry's sake. He didn't have to do that. No one was asking. But he told him anyway. Harry wondered. He wanted to ask more. But was he to ask the man any further questions?

Severus looked at Harry. The boy was shaking. He thought about what he had seen in Harry's memories. Who would have thought there was such a horrible secret in his life. Harry was always a spoilt brat, a rule-breaker, a bully for Severus. He always despised him. But now, sharing the most sickening nightmare with him… He just wanted to hold the boy and tell him everything was going to be alright. But he couldn't bring himself to do such thing. Then he shook his head as he heard the boy was trying to say something.

"I… I was…" Harry stuttered, "I… I was wondering…" He decided not to go on then. He simply looked at Severus with an ashamed expression.

"Wondering what?" the man asked this time.

"Who was it?" Harry asked finally. Not sure how the man would react to the question. He regretted it as the words came out of his mouth. He sat there, waiting for the yelling to come. But it didn't.

There was a quiet answer, saying "It was my father."

With that, Harry couldn't hold his tears anymore. He finally let them roll down from his cheeks one more time.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Don't be." said the man, his face was emotionless. "Not your fault." he added.

He slowly got up, leaning against the wall as he did, and paced slowly towards the boy. Harry raised his head and looked up at Severus. Severus simply offered his hand and Harry took it. Holding the boy's hand, Severus pulled him up on his feet and just then, when Harry was finally standing in front of him, he placed his free hand on Harry' shoulder and pulled the boy into him in a light embrace. It was awkward. But it was there.

"Everything is going to be alright, Mr. Potter." He whispered softly.

"Thank you, sir." Harry replied politely.

"It's past curfew," Severus stated, "I think you should stay here for the night. You can sleep on the couch and go directly to the Great Hall for breakfast tomorrow morning."

"Thank you, sir." Harry replied again.

Severus waved his wand, a pillow and a blanket appeared on the couch.

"The washroom is at the end of the corridor. If you need anything just knock on my door. Good night, Mr. Potter." Severus looked at Harry, almost smiling warmly.

"Good night Professor Snape." Harry smiled back, shyly.

Severus left the living room with so many thoughts and emotions. He was walking to his room when his left arm ached slightly.

"No," he hissed to the pain, grabbing his arm, "Not now!"

To Be Continued...

* * *

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	3. Chapter 3 - Sins Of A Penitent Man

**CHAPTER 3 - Sins Of A Penitent Man**

Harry tossed and turned on the couch all night. He was used to nightmares but this time it was different. Besides the pain and terror he felt, there was also some kind of comfort in his heart. But whenever he wanted to let himself hold on to that comfort, another strong wave of pain shredded his brain. He couldn't let go no matter what.

* * *

 _There was Uncle Vernon in his nightmare. His ugly face smiling at him devilishly. There was his mother trying to protect her son, screaming. There was Voldemort waving his wand, shouting "Avada Kedavra" with a heinous voice, his eyes were drilling. And there was Severus Snape, on his knees. His face was shadowed with pain but he was retaining his pride, refusing to beg for mercy. Vernon again was calling him names and hitting his back with a belt. The buckle was ripping his skin. He felt the pain. Sirius, fading away before his eyes... Cedric, lying on the ground, cold... Severus again, throwing his arms around something as if he was trying to protect it with his life... Voldemort, viciously staring at Harry..._

* * *

"NOOOOOOO!" he screamed as he sat up on the couch, cold sweat adorning his forehead.

"No..." he panted. It was dark in the unfamiliar living room. He opened and shut his eyes before he started to see the shadows of the furniture around him. Where was he? Then he remembered, blood rushing to his cheeks. He hoped he didn't wake Professor Snape with his childish nightmare. He listened for a second; no footsteps, no light and no yelling at all... He released the breath he was holding. Just then, he heard a strange noise coming from outside. When he looked at the window he saw a black smoky, weird thing was approaching. Harry gasped when the weird thing broke the window and landed on the floor of dark living room with shattered glass everywhere. Harry watched it rolling on the floor a few times and stopping when it came to the wall with a loud tud. ...and there was a weak moan after that...

"Professor!" Harry rushed to his side. Severus Snape was lying on the floor, on his back, blood dripping from his nose and ears. He was barely conscious and obviously in pain.

"Professor?!" he called again. Snape took some sharp, short breaths before he scarcely turned his head to look at him, his eyes were slightly open.

"Professor, are you alright? What should I do?" Harry was petrified.

Snape tried to say something but instead of words coming out, he started moaning again.

"I'm calling Dumbledore!" Harry declared as he started to rise from the floor.

"No..." he heard Snape begging. "No one..." he groaned, "call.. no one..."

Harry looked at him with pleading eyes. He wanted him to let Harry call someone, anyone for help, desperately. He was panicking and didn't know what to do. "Please..?" came the last command from Severus just before he fell into unconsciousness.

Harry sat beside him awfully worried. He realised he was deffinitely in pain. Putting his hand in his pocket and pulling out his handkerchief, he was set to clear his blood-strained face. When he finished, he decided to check for other injuries. Carefully he unbuttoned his black robes and gasped when he saw his white shirt was soaked in blood. Shaky hands started to work on the tiny buttons of the shirt this time. Harry felt nauseous when he found out that his chest was covered with cuts and bruises. It was then when Severus shivered. Harry ran to the couch and grabbed the blanket. Covering him carefully, he finally let his tears roll down. Sitting on the floor and anxiously resting his back to the wall he whispered, "Professor, please wake up!"

A long while later, he wasn't sure how long at all, Severus Snape opened his eyes, loudly whimpering.

"Professor Snape?" Harry sat up immediately.

"Potter..?" Snape was puzzled for a moment.

He breathed heavily for a couple of minutes before he weakly asked Harry to help him sit up. Harry carefully supported his back as he helped the man sit on the floor, his back painfully resting on the wall near Harry.

"Professor, you are injured. Please let me get someone to help. Please?"

" _You_ help me..." Severus demanded, "...potions cabinet..." he was gasping for air, "...end of... corridor... second row... the bottle..."

Harry was there in two seconds. But there were too many vials and bottles on the shelf. He carefully read the labels. Most of them were potions he already knew or at least he had heard of. But there was a fairly large bottle which was simply labeled as "S". He thought it was the one. Grabbing the bottle, he flashed back to the living room.

"Is this the right one, sir?" he asked, kneeling down next to him.

Snape nodded. Harry twisted the cork and helped him drink the potion. Severus let out a long breath as he laid his head on the wall back again. Eyes closed shut, he moaned lightly.

"Are you feeling alright, Professor?"

There was no answer for a while before Snape finally opened his eyes and whispered, "Thank you..."

"Can you stand, sir?" Harry looked at him relieved, "We should get you to bed."

"Hmm..." Snape sounded, nodding his head again.

With that, Harry got up and helped his professor back on his feet with tremendous effort. Snape was dizzy and he had to lean on Harry for support. Harry took his arm and placed it around his own shoulder as he carefully walked with the man to his bedroom.

Severus sat on the bed, limply waiting for Harry to take off his robes. While doing that, Harry couldn't help but stare at his chest which was now partly shown from his unbuttoned shirt and sighed when he saw some of the cuts were already healing. His white shirt was now completely red but Harry couldn't dare to take the shirt off too. He adjusted the comforter and helped Severus in bed.

"Do you need anything, sir?" he asked as he sat on the edge of the bed. But before he heard Snape's reply, his eyes cought the only thing standing on the end table. It was a framed photo of his mother, Lily. She was smiling and waving her hand as her red hair flew about her face. He took the frame in his hand and blinked several times as if he was trying to convince himself that he was not dreaming this. There was a little writing on the corner of the frame. It read " _Lily. 1975. Peregrine Park_ ". He was completely puzzled now. He forgot about the night's happenings, forgot about his worry for Snape, forgot everything for a moment. He was simply at a loss of thoughts.

He came round when a shaky hand slowly but firmly took the photo from him, and to Harry's surprise, pressed in on his own chest, enveloping it with two hands. Then Snape fell asleep out of complete exhaustion before Harry could ask or say anything.

Harry sighed when he looked at his professor's weary face one more time and slowly walked out of the room, to his couch. It was almost morning and he didn't think he could sleep anymore.

 **To Be Continued...**

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	4. Chapter 4 - A Second Chance Which

**CHAPTER 4 - A Second Chance Which You Probably Don't Understand**

Weird sounds coming from his stomach startled Harry. He was hungry and now it was time for breakfast. But he was determined to wait until his professor had come out of his bedroom. Or at the end, Harry would have to knock on the door to wake him. He had to see Snape before he left his chambers. He had to ask him what he had seen the previous night. It was obvious that Snape had known his mother since he had gone to school with his father and the Marauders. But her photo, framed, on his bedside table? That was a little too much for a simple friendship. He had to confront him. But how? How could he haul him over the coals, how could he ask about such a thing since the man had helped him and comforted him and shared his secrets with him?!

* * *

Severus opened his weary eyes. An intense pain shut through his body, his ears were ringing and his head felt like he had been a snack for a cave troll. For one moment he forgot where he was. Looking around, he released the breath he was holding, he was in his rooms, safe. The events of last night caused him a loss of balance, but it was all over now. Just for a second, he had thought that was his last summoning. He thought he would die. But when he arrived his quarters and when Potter...

 _Wait! What?!_ _POTTER!_

Abruptly, he climbed out of his bed, blunt pain shot through his torso. He hissed as the photo frame he had been holding fell on the floor, bringing back the look of confusion he had seen on the brat's face last night. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. Shaking his head, he released a sigh, "Oh no! No no no!"

As Harry was lost in thought, Severus Snape's bedroom door cracked open and he saw a pair of dark weary eyes looking at him behind the door. Instantly Harry got up from where he was seated and set to preen.

"Good morning, Prefessor." he hessitated, "How are you feeling today?"

Severus didn't reply. He wasn't sure what to say to the boy. He didn't know whether he should answer him civil, or he should snap at him. They had shared an important secret. He had seen a different and unexpected side of Potter. And volunteraly he had shown the boy a vulnerable side of himself. What sould he tell him now? How should he...

"May I ask why you are still here, Mr. Potter?" Severus couldn't stop the words coming out of his mouth.

"I... er... well... I was worried about you... sir." the boy stuttered.

"Your concern is touching. But as you can see I am quite alright, Mr. Potter. Thank you for your help. I trust you will not tell anyone what happened here last night."

"No sir. I will not. But I..."

"Now if you allow me Mr. Potter, I have work to attend to."

"But Professor Snape, please..."

"Out, Potter!"

Harry looked at the man, standing sternly before him. He wanted so desperately to know. He wanted to ask him about his mother's photo. He wanted to get angry. He wanted to jump down his throat, to call him names, tell him that he was not worthy enough to love his mother. But he couldn't do any of these. Because he was worried. He needed to be sure that his professor was alright, that he could take care of himself when Harry had left him in his quarters. For the first time, Harry cared.

"Are.. ahem... Are you sure, sir? That you're... you... are.. alright?"

"Yes, I told you I am quite well. I am up, standing on my feet. I am alive." Severus replied. _*I am in pain. I am sick of this shit. I hate my life. I am everything but alright, Potter. No, I am not airlght!*_ He kept the last part to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for you, sir?"

"Mr. Potter, it's time for you to go now."

"But, Professor."

"Out Potter! Now!"

"Professor Snape, can I... may I ask you something, sir?"

"Potter!" Severus walked to the boy as if he would grab him from his collar. Harry backed.

"Professor please, the photo..."

"I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT!" Severus roared, the air coming out from his lungs. He grabbed Harry's upper arm and hurled him to the door. But the sudden action caused his body to double over with pain.

"Professor Snape!" Harry launched himself forward but Severus was now pushing the door to close.

"I've had enough! This is my private life. STAY OUT OF IT!" Severus yelled as he pushed the door forward. "I am done with you!" he stated and Harry heard him whimper in pain.

By the time Harry found himslef thrown out of the door, he turned back to see Severus but the door was already closed on him.

"Professor?!" he called, "Professor Snape?!"

There was no answer. Harry could hear whimpers of his professor. He knocked on the door.

"Professor, please..."

"Go away..."

"Professor..."

"GO. AWAY!"

Harry stayed there to listen his professor's moans from the other side of the door for a while. Then unwillingly he turned around and walked away from the dungeons to his classes.

* * *

"Where were you last nigt?" Hermione asked Harry as they walked along the corridors together. It was now dinner time and Harry had been very silent the whole day.

"What's wrong with you?" Ron asked, when Harry didn't answer Hermione's question. "Don't you hear, or something?!"

"Harry, is something matter? You can tell us." Hermione said.

"It's nothing, really." Harry replied, "I'm just tired."

When they arrived at the Great Hall, the dinner had already been served. Everybody was enjoying the feast. Harry looked at the staff table, Professor Snape was not there. Where was he? Now Harry was really concerned.

That night Harry considered going to the dungeons secretly and see if Snape was alright for himself. But he couldn't bring himself to do that. Instead, he climbed in his bed worriedly and dozed off to a restless sleep.

* * *

Meanwhile, Severus was suffering from dizziness, extreme fatigue and headaches. He was trying to find out what he had done wrong. Because the pain and spasms seemed to be increasing with time. He tried special potions, healing spells, he even tried muggle painkillers but nothing seemed to work. He started getting worried but he was too weak to keep working. Finally he surrendered to a haunted slumber.

* * *

 _The room was dark. Severus rubbed his eyes to see a little better. There was a bookshelf and a book next to the shelf, the book was glowing red. It read "Dark Spells, Bodybound and Healing". Looking around, there was a lamp blinking. A giant wooden door opened with a squeak of rusty hinges, revealing the silhouette of a man in the darkness... A little boy curled up on his bed under the duvet, closed his eyes tight... The man approached the bed and sat down on the edge... The boy turned his face away, his little hands covering his ears... A lightning flashed... The thunder almost deafening... The man reached his hand out, removed the duvet... The door slammed shut... Some rocks toppled down from a hill... A child screamed... A little boy removed his head, "Daddy?"... A water drop dropped into a pool of water... A light lightened... A slim hand reached out to him... A whisper was heard; "Sev"... The boy shyly walked along a dark, humid corridor... A ball bounced against the wall then into the ground... The man followed the boy along the corridor... Her voice was heard; "You gave him the prophecy, Severus. My son suffered this because of you. He had a childhood just like yours. He lived through hell. You are responsible for that, Severus. But now it's time to fix this. You will be given a second chance. Use it well. You know all the answers. Just listen to your heart. I am waiting."... The sound of the thunder faded away... The lights went out... Wake up!_

* * *

Severus jerked form his sleep. It was so real. He wondered the maning of this peculiar dream. He sat on his bed for a while, panthing. He felt so weak and ill. " _Something is deffinitely wrong with me_." he thought and he decided to go and visit his friend who was working as a healer at St. Mungo's.

In the morning Harry's first class was Potions. He and his friends walked in the potions classroom and took their seats. As they were preparing the potion ingredients, Professor Flitwick walked in the classroom, saying:

"Hello students. Professor Snape is a little busy at the moment. That's why I will be taking over his classes for today."

That was when Harry deviantly rose from his chair and raced to Snape's private quarters without listening his friends' questions and calls.

 **To Be Continued...**

* * *

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	5. Chapter 5 - The Deadly Secret

**CHAPTER 5 - The Deadly Secret**

When he arrived at the door, he knocked on it loudly. He called his professor's name. But there was no answer.

Then he saw an engraved raven was staring at him from the door frame.

"Password?" the raven asked, boldly.

"I... I don't know." Harry stuttered.

"Password?" he asked again.

This time Harry kept quiet, thinking. What could be the password of Professor Severus Snape's private quarters? Suddenly he had an idea. It was worth to give it a try.

"Lily. 1975. Peregrine Park?" he spoke.

"Very well, thank you." the raven said, baffling Harry, and the lock clicked open. Harry was stunned. He didn't know what to do for a moment. After that, he gathered his courage and pushed the door open. Professor Snape's room was dark and quiet.

"Professor?" he called. There was no answer.

Harry took a few steps inside and called again, but it was in vain. His professor was not there.

"Lumos" he whispered and checked around the rooms. There were a couple of bottles of potions on the table, some books of medicine and one bottle of Aspirin. But there was no sign of Severus. Harry decided to stay until his professor's arrival.

* * *

Meanwhile at St. Mungo's...

Severus felt much better now. After visiting his friend and taking a special treatment, his dizziness and spasms seemed to fade. Thanking to his friend, he set to walk to the apparition point of the hospital. But just the moment he was about to climb up the stairs, he felt something strange. He thought he heard a voice. The voice was so strange and yet so familiar. Fascinated, he walked to the sound. What was it saying? There was nobody around and as he walked in a long and dimly lit corridor, he did not notice the "Restricted Area" sign.

"Sev?!" the voice was calling him. He recognized the voice but he could not bring himslef to confess it. Was it really Lily's voice?

"Sev?!" she called again. Severus knew that he was dellusional because of the painkillers.

"Come. In here..." she called again as he finally came to a closed door.

He grabbed the door handle and turned it but it was locked. He tired a silent _Alohamora_ , but it didn't work either. He was standing there and trying to pick the lock when he heard someone inside the room unlocked it quietly. Wand at the ready, he cautiously opened the door and looked around.

It was a large hospital room with white curtains and white furniture. At first the room seemed empty, but as he looked around, he noticed the bed near the far corner of the room. There was someone sleeping on the bed. Severus took a couple of more steps towards the bed and everyting stopped for one moment. He couldn't believe his eyes. Nothing seemed real at that moment. He felt joy, shock, devastation, bewilderment and anger at the same time.

His bestfriend, his childhood love, the only person who ever cared for him, Lily Evans (she was never a Potter for him) was lying, dressed in a blue gown, sleeping, breathing on the very bed. Severus couldn't believe his eyes, he walked near the bed and looked at her again. It was her. It was her. Her... Severus didn't know what to do, he didn't notice the tears streaming down his face.

"Lily" he whispered but she didn't respond.

He slowly walked to the bed and grabbed her file from the end table and set to read it. He realized that he could not concentrate on what he had been reading. He couldn't understand anything. Some strange words were levitating in his mind: _prohibited, confidential, bodybound, Dumbledore, obliviated, orders, beneficial, comatose..._ He needed to get it together, he needed to calm himself down and think. To little avail, he tried to get into her mind but it was totally shut down.

As Severus was lost in thoughts, he startled to the sound of heavy footsteps on the wooden floorboards. He needed to get out of there, immediately. He started backing out and ran out of the room to the hallway as quietly as he could, right through the way he knew led to the appiration point.

* * *

It was a late hour of the night. As Severus walked in his rooms, he saw Harry waiting for him with an anxious expression on his face. But Severus was too numb to respond. Things were not only happening too fast, they also were a little blunt and obscure. Simply he looked at Harry and asked:

"What are you doing here Mr. Potter?"

"Professor... You didn't come to dinner and then Professor Flitwick... Well.. I was worried. I needed to see you to be sure, sir." Harry stuttered. But Severus was too shaky to bawl him out. So Harry continued:

"When I came here... The room was empty and you were nowhere to be seen. So I got much more worried, sir. I'm so sorry."

"How could you manage to get inside for Merlin's sake?!" Severus growled, his hand shaking as he lifted it to push his dark sweaty hair from his face. His vision blurred and his legs buckled under him as he slumped onto the sofa. He rested his head between his hands and turned his eyes to the boy.

"I... uh... well... Are you alright, sir?"

"ANSWER ME, POTTER!"

"I... I guessed your password, Professor!"

That instant, Harry could see the understanding in Severus' eyes.

"Oh, the frame..." he murmured to himself.

"Professor Snape..."

"I know you want answers, Potter. I understand your curiosity." he looked at Harry with weary eyes, "You have every right."

Harry was bewildered. Who was this man speaking very gently. What had happened to Professor Snape?

"Sir..."

"Let me finish." Severus demanded, "But I am... I... I cannot easily talk about her. Give me some time. I need some answers too. Very fundamental answers... But first I have to ask questions."

"Questions? What questions, Professor?" Harry was totally lost.

"Say, why would anyone want this to happen to you, or me, or... to her?!" his eyes were two deep, dark holes.

"Her? Who's her? I'm sorry I don't understand you, Professor."

"It's alright, Harry." Severus stated, he wasn't aware that he had used the boy's first name, "I don't understand myself either."

Severus slowly got up from the sofa and walked to the liquor cabinet. He poured himself a glass of fire whiskey.

"Would you like a cup of hot chocolate, Mr. Potter?" he asked turning around as he walked by the fireplace and carefully seated himself on the sofa again.

"Well, that would be great, sir. Thank you." Harry was at a lost what to do.

And Severus did the most unexpected gesture and patted on the sofa next to where he was sitting.

"Have a seat." he stated.

With a flick of his wand a cup of delicious hot chocolate appeared on the side table. There were some little marsmallow pieces inside it. Harry shyly maneuvered himslef and sat dawn next to his professor. He took a sip from his hot chocolate and felt warmth filling inside of him.

"Thank you, sir."

"So, I assume no one is looking for you at this hour of the night, Mr. Potter?"

"No, sir." he lied.

"What about your aunt?" Severus asked, changing the topic with velocity of light.

"What about her?" Harry was puzzled.

"Does she know?"

Harry adjusted his mind to the change of topic with discomfort.

"Well, she must have noticed." he stated, "I would have."

"Do not compare your intelligence with hesr, Mr. Potter."

"Do you know her, sir?"

"I did." Severus replied, "Unfortunately..."

"My cousin knew though." Harry said, much likely to himself.

There was a moment of silence between them. Severus turned his eyes to look at the boy.

"You are not going back there, Potter. That I can promise." he spoke.

"Don't make promises you can't keep, professor. It's alright. I don't have anywhere to go."

"I have a plan." Severus declared.

"A plan sir?"

"Yes yes... I think now I know why... Unbelievable but this is like something like fate..." Severus started talking to himself and some of it even sounded like he was argueing with himself.

"Uh.. Professor!"

"Oh, never mind." Severus told him. With a light move, he got up from the sofa and put his hand on Harry's shoulder.

"It's very late, Mr. Potter. You should sleep here tonight. I cannot have you wandering along the dark corridors of the castle at this hour. There's a blanket in the cupboard. Please get up early and make it on time to the breakfast in the morning."

"Yes, sir. Thank you." Harry smiled.

With that, Severus left Harry in the sitting room and went to his library. He was going to search some books about confidential curses and bodybound, prepare his potions and notes and start studying. He had a plenty of time until the morning.

* * *

In the middle of the night, Severus heard some noises coming from the sitting room. He perked up his ears and recognized Harry's disturbed voice. He was having a nightmare and obviously, it was a bad one. Severus rushed to the sitting room and knelt down next to Harry and with a shake of his shoulder, he tried to wake him.

"Harry, wake up. It's alright."

Harry remained asleep, tossing and turning with a painfull expression on his face.

"Harry, it's okay. I'm Professor Snape. I'm right here. Can you here me?" Severus slightly removed his messy hair from his face. Harry didn't answer him but his twitching and shaking lessened.

Severus kept carresing his messy hair with his hand, something he would never have done a few days ago. When Harry stirred, without thinking he wrapped his strong arms around the boy's shoulders and held him. He couldn't help himself. It was like holding his own childhood.

"It's alright, Harry. You can go to sleep. I'm here to watch over you now." he kept talking quietly until his shaking had stopped. When Harry finally calmed down, Severus pushed himself up on his elbow and looked at the boy's face. He was surprised and a little bit embarrased as he saw a pair of green eyes fixed on him.

"Professor?" he whispered, bewildered.

"Harry, I have to tell you something." Severus talked calmly as he adjusted himseld on the sofa, keeping one of his hands on the boy's shoulder.

"What?" Harry asked, sitting up.

"It's about your mother."

"Professor, I'm not a little kid anymore," Harry started, "I understand you were in love with her. And I think that's why you hate my father... and me as a matter of fact. But I'm not my father, sir. I don't know anything about him. I don't know if my mum loved you back or not..."

"She is my best friend." Severus broke in, "She is the most wonderful thing ever happened to me. She is all I have."

"But she _is_ not here anymore, Professor. Maybe you can have somebody else... instead of her... in your life." Harry stuttered, "Somebody else could be your friend, also."

Severus smiled bitterly.

"I could be your friend." Harry offered, smiling.

"It somehow slipped my attention that you wanted to be friends with me, Mr. Potter." Severus played.

"Well, I do." Harry smiled, "Do you think it's possible, Professor?"

Severus was silent for a second, thinking. Then he sighed and talked:

"Harry I have to tell you something very important. Do you remember I saw your memory about the night your parents were killed?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Well, I think that memory is altered."

"What do you mean, sir. Who would have..."

"Harry, I was there that night."

"What?!"

"After your parents were killed, before Dumbledore's arrival. But he didn't know I was there. That's why he did't put me in that altered memory of yours."

"Wha... uh... do you mean Dumbledore..?"

"Yes!"

"But, why?"

"I will tell you why. But it has to stay between us. It's a secret."

Harry's eyes grew wide.

"No one should know. This is essential."

 **To Be Continued...**

* * *

 **Please let me know what you think.**

 **My FB is /nihanolmez**

 **cya around**


	6. Chapter 6 - My Regrets Are Many

**CHAPTER 6 - My Regrets Are Many**

"What is it, Professor?" Harry asked, when Severus suddenly stopped talking, remained silent and looked down at the floor for a while.

"Professor Snape?"

"What?"

"What is it, that you were going to tell me, sir?"

"Oh, yes... well..." Severus decided not to tell him, yet. What if Harry couldn't keep the information to himself? What if he got so excited or angry?

"Was it something about my mother, sir?"

"What? Your mother? No!"

"Please professor, can't you tell me something... anything about her? I don't want to hear everything in one night, but please what can you tell?"

Severus sighed a moment letting out an annoyed growl. Later his hand came to rest in Harry's shoulder.

"Your mother was my best friend when we were growing up." Severus started, "She was a muggle born and didn't have a clue about the wizarding world. I saw her doing simple magic a couple of times and decided to intoduce myself. That's how we met and in short time became best friends."

Harry smiled at the idea of his mother and professor being close.

"She was a compassionate little girl who cared about other people more than she cared about herself. She had a good heart. And... and... when I had... troubles... with my family", Severus stuttered, "...she was always there for me. We started Hogwarts together but got sorted into different houses. That didn't stop our friendship..." he paused, "...at first."

"But then you made different choices and had different friends in your houses and my father and his friends got into the picture." Harry stated more than asked.

"Yes..." Severus moaned regretfully.

"They were bullies, were they not, professor?"

"Well, I'm sorry to say that, but yes, they were."

"Was it something only about you or were they mean to everyone else?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I always believed that I was guilty for being Lily's friend." Severus answered truthfully. He froze as just saying her name left a weight on his heart. Images of her lying in a hospital bed kept parading through his head.

"My father saw you as a challenge."

"Because she was very fond of me. I was fragile. I had problems, you know. She was determined to help me. She learned spells to heal my bruises and cuts. She always came to my side when we were eating in the great hall or when we were outside. Maybe I was a charity case for her."

"She loved you." Harry spoke confidently and somehow made Severus believe.

"And I loved her." Severus said, looking right into his green eyes.

"And what happened that day, when my father and his friends... well... you were... the tree..." Harry couldn't finish his question because he couldn't find the right way to express it.

A shadow passed through Severus' intense, dark eyes. They darted around the room, not meeting Harry's.

"She came running..." Severus gulped, as if gasping for air. He fixed his eyes on the far corner of the room. It was obvious that he was in a lot of pain, mentally. "...shouting at Potter to stop it and leave me alone. She was so worried... Horrified..."

For a moment he closed his eyes with a deep sigh and then reopened them, slowly shaking his head. Two drops of silent tears went down to his cheeks.

"But I was... I was so ashamed... and... I..."

Severus broke down and started crying uncontrollably. Harry reached and put his arms around his professor's strong body.

"It's alright, it's alright. Stop telling me more, professor. I understand. You're alright." he kept saying, worried. "You're alright. It's not your fault."

"NO, IT IS MY FAULT!" Severus shouted, "You don't understand. It's my fault!". Tears were still visible on his cheeks.

"No it's not. Whatever it is, I don't believe it was your fault. And don't try to convince me, I'm not listening." Harry talked back deviantly. Severus was bewildered.

"Now," Harry continued, "Is there anything I can do for you, professor?"

"No, thank you." Severus stuttured, "Thank you..."

"Alright then. Now please try to get some sleep. You are weak. We can continue later."

Severus nodded.

"And thank you for telling me. It means a lot."

With that Harry helped Severus to his bed and let him rest.

* * *

Harry was asleep when he heard a cry coming from his professor's room. He jumped from the sofa and ran to the bedroom. Severus was having a nightmare. His white night shirt was sticking to his body due to the sweat. Harry walked over beside the bed and shook his shoulder gently.

"Professor... Professor Snape."

"I didn't mean it!" Severus yelped in his sleep, tossing and turning.

"Wake up, professor. You're having a nightmare!"

"No, I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. I didn't... I didn't... I didn't mean it..."

"Professor Snape!" Harry shook his shoulders hard, "Wake up!" he shouted, but Severus didn't wake.

"I was so angry. I didn't mean it..."

"SNAPE!" Harry tried again.

"I didn't..."

"WAKE UP!" Harry tried one more time, "SEVERUS!"

Severus' eyes shot open in an instant and it took a few seconds for him to make eye contact with Harry. When he did, he simply looked at him with unreadable eyes.

"I didn't mean it..." Severus spoke to himslef again, one last time.

"I... I'm sorry..." Harry stuttered, "I've tried to wake you up but you weren't waking. I didn't know what to..."

"Come here." Severus demanded cutting in as he started sitting up in bed. He gently patted on the bed beside him. Harry sat immediately.

"Thank you, and it's alright, I'm not mad." Severus spoke slowly. "You may call me Severus, since you've alredy seen me in enough humiliating situations." he smiled.

Harry smiled worriedly.

"But Harry, I have to tell you. I cannot keep this to myself. I have to tell you..."

"Tell me what?"

Severus sighed as he closed his eyes and when he reopened them there was determination in them.

"Harry, I've discovered something very important yesterday. Don't ask me why or how because I don't know either. Yet. But what I'd seen made me question my life."

"Tell me..." Harry demanded.

"Harry, you mother... She is alive."

* * *

 **To Be Continued...**

* * *

 **Sorry this one is short.**


	7. Chapter 7 - Pandora's Box

**CHAPTER 7 - Pandora's Box**

"What?!" Harry blinked, stupidly like someone trying to force himself awake from a dream.

"I think she somehow survived the Dark Lord's attack."

"But... How do you know?" Harry asked genuinely.

"I saw her."

"Saw her?" Harry jumped to his feet, "SAW HER?!", he shouted, "Where? Where is she? Take me to her, please! Where is she? Is she... Did she say anything?!"

"Harry, Harry..." Severus got up from the bed, putting his hands on Harry's shoulders he tried to calm him. "Harry, calm down, please."

"I can't! How can I?" Harry cried, "Take me to her, please Professor. Please!"

"That, Mr. Potter, is my intention. But in order to do that you have to control yourself!" for a moment Severus turned back to his old self and it somehow brought Harry back to reality.

"How?" Harry sighed, helpless.

"Keep breathing, child." Severus ordered, lightly squeezing the boy's shoulders, wishing that there was an easier way.

* * *

Twenty minutes later Severus Snape was towering over Harry with his old fierce glare on his face.

"Your behaviour is totally unacceptable and will not be tolerated in this school, Mr. Potter. This is the last time I warn you. The seriousness of what you have done requiers me to alert the Headmaster. If I see you wandering along the corridors after curfew one more time, I will deal with this issue in my own ways. Do you understand Mr. Potter?"

"Yes, Professor Snape. I'm so sorry, sir."

"Now go to your dormitory. I don't want to see you again until the breakfast!"

"Yes, Prefessor Snape, sir."

"Get out of my sight now!" Severus looked at Harry one more time with a secret passion in his eyes. It was almost like his eyes were glowing with mischief and only Harry could see it.

Harry couldn't help but smile at the idea of this new form of affiliation. He hurriedly walked to his dormitory, careful not to wake his room-mates, he gingerly set to take his trusty old cloak out from under his bed.

* * *

It hadn't been much time since Severus walked back in his private chambers when he heard the light knock on the door. As he walked to the door and opened it, he met what he expected: There was no one to bee seen on the door.

"Anyone saw you?" he asked to the air.

"No!" came Harry's precautious whisper.

"Come in!" Severus whispered back, as he slightly stepped asside from the door to let the invisible bundle walk in the room.

* * *

Now they were walking along the restricted corridors of St. Mungo's, squeezing themselves to fit under the cloak together.

"Keep quiet!" Severus warned.

"I am quiet! Stop pushing me!"

"I'm not!"

"How on earth are we going to take her out of here?"

"We're not!"

"WHAT?!"

"Shh...

"But, Professor..."

"Not today, Mr. Potter. We will find a way eventually. Now calm down please and walk quietly!"

When they arrived at a locked wooden door, Severus slowly drew his wand out of the inside of his robes and whispered some incantations in an unknown laguage. The lock clicked open and he reached his hand to grab the handle, but another smaller one stopped him.

"What is it?" Severus asked with worried eyes as he kept looking at the young man beside him.

"I... I..." Harry stuttered, "I don't think I'm ready for this."

"One can never be ready for something like this, Mr. Potter. We have to move along."

With that Severus twisted the door handle and the door cracked open, revealing a white bed and a beautiful auburn haired sleeping woman in it.

"Oh..." Harry sounded. He put one of his hands on the door frame for support.

"Are you alright?" Severus asked.

Harry nodded his head, not moving his eyes from his mother's bed.

"Should I... Can I approach?" he asked.

"Yes..." Severus whispered with a lump forming in his throat. He himself was also shaken up because of the events of the night, but he still carried on.

Slowly both men walked to the bed, Severus dropping the cloak around them and locking the door from inside with his wand. Harry sat on the bed near her and reached out to his mother's soft cheek with tears forming in his eyes.

"I don't understand." he cired, "How could Dumbledore do this?"

"For the greater good..." Severus murmured involuntarily as he rolled his eyes.

"What?!" Harry turned to him with burning eyes.

"His words!" Severus defended, holding his hands up to surrender, "Not mine!"

"Oh..." Harry exhaled, turning his eyes back to his sleeping mother. "I mean, why would he want to do something like this?" he asked this time, "I thought he cared for me and my family."

"Harry," Severus started, taking a deep breath and releasing it, "There are too many things you don't know. And by the way, that stupid old coot never cares for anyone!"

Harry couldn't help but chuckle lightly.

"What are those things that I don't know? Tell me." he demanded.

Severus turned his gaze to the woman he'd loved for so may years.

"I will, Harry. I promise. But this is not a good time. Not here." he pleaded.

"Okay." Harry replied giving in. He slowly pulled his legs up and lay down beside his mother, inhaling her sweet scent as he closed his eyes.

"You don't know how many times I have imagined this moment." he whispered, "You cannot know..."

"Yes I can." Severus replied, surprising him, "Because I've imagined the same thing."

* * *

Leaving his mother at St. Mungo's was very hard for Harry but he knew they had to do it. Back in Severus Snape's private quarters, he was now sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace with, again, a cup of hot chocolate in his hands. Sipping his hot beverage he tried to wipe the images of his mother from his mind but he couldn't.

"It's alright." spoke a silky voice behind him and he felt two strong hands on his shoulders, squeezing gently giving him comfort.

"We are going to bring her here and find a cure. She will be alright, Harry, I promise. She will be so happy to see you again. She will be so proud. This is your life's turning point, your second chance."

"But she will be mad at you?"

"Yes." Severus replied remorsefully.

"But I want her to forgive you, Severus."

"So do I, Harry."

With that, Harry slowly got up from the sofa and made his way behind it. He slowly pushed his arms up and wrapped them around the man's shoulders, slowly and cautiously. The man tensed at first but gradually relaxed as he too curled his own arms around the boys torso. First Harry felt his tears fall accross his face. Sensing the boys light sobs, Severus followed suit. They stayed that way, crying against each other until they were exhausted.

* * *

"Look here what I've found." Harry spoke, excitedly walking to Severus' desk with a thick old book in his hands. Severus curiously grabbed one side of the open book and set to read.

"Hmm..." he sounded, "We should consider this ancient version of bodybound hex, but Harry, I think Lily's situation has something to do with dark magic."

"Dark magic?" Harry asked, confused.

"Yes, that must be a quite complicated, advanced dark magic, since it's been keeping her asleep for fifteen years. Dumbledore must have worked on it very passionately."

"But..." Harry was now frustrated, "How can we break it if it's that sophisticated advanced dark magic?"

Severus's left eyebrow slowly lifted as he stared Harry with proud eyes.

"Mr. Potter, it might have escaped your notice, but I myself am quite capable of producing and breaking dark magic, since I am a high rank death eater, the youngest potions master of England and an advanced legilimens. I am also the only death eater who can produce a patronus charm and also the only one who could manage to deceive the Dark Lord, I am mastered at wandless magic and I can fly...!" Severus barely could hold himself from chuckling as he stared at the sheepishly stunned expression on Harry's face.

"Well I... I..." Harry was at a loss of words. He kept stuttering for a while before finally asking, "Wow, really?!"

With that Severus burst out laughing, he had to cover his eyes as tears started flowing out. This kind of laughter was not an everyday occurance.

"And you are also capable of laughing. That is also very advanced human ability." Harry teased Severus.

Still frantically laughing, Severus raised his hand and messed Harry's hair playfully. Harry bowed his head and as Severus rested his hand on his head and gently pulled him to his chest, he leaned on Severus' strong body, first laughing but then suddenly tears poured out of his eyes like a waterfall.

Sensing Harry's sudden mood change, Severus put his other hand around Harry's shoulders and pulled him even closer to himself. Harry threw his arms around the man as waves of tears and emotion flowed out of him, shaking his whole body.

"Talk to me." Severus demanded.

"This..." Harry spoke, his face was still hidden in Severus' robes. "This... I want this to continue."

Severus was puzzled, "Well, you can stay there as long as you like. I'm quite alright with that." he replied, stroking Harry's messy hair.

"No, it's not that."

"Then what is it?"

With that question, Harry burried his face even deeper in his professor's robes and clenched his fists holding onto the thick fabric. He spoke with a muffled voice:

"No, it's stupid. You will laugh at me!"

"No, I won't."

"You will."

"Harry, tell me please!"

Harry sniffed as he lifted up his face, he looked at Severus with red teary eyes.

"Well... I felt... I mean it's almost like... You... I... Oh... I can't..."

"Harry! Please, I won't laugh I promise. I'm worried now, please tell me."

"I've never known a father since I was a baby. So I don't know what it's like to have a father. But, now I feel like... It must be something like this. I mean... You understand and you are... I... I don't want to lose this feeling when finally... I mean... When she wakes... We don't know how she will be like. Maybe she will hate both of us. But maybe she will hate..."

"Me?"

"I don't want to side with her only because she's my mother. I mean... She is my mother and I love her so much... But... Oh, this is so stupid. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I mean you don't have to put up with me forever and..."

"Harry!"

"But I'm just petrified... I..."

Severus threw his arms back around Harry's shoulders again. But this time he squeezed so much that it caused Harry to stop talking.

"Stop it," Severus whispered, painfully. "Stop it. You're my son. You're my son! I love you like one. And nothing's ever going to change that. I promise!"

"Really?!" Harry asked innocently.

"Really!" Severus replied. He backed a little to look at Harry. Harry was shocked when he saw tears in his professor's eyes.

"You cry?" he asked, bewildered.

"Yes, sometimes I do." Severus replied, bitterly smiling.

"Really?" Harry chuckled.

"Stop asking that stupid question!" Severus elboved him playfully. "Come here." he spoke as he embraced his newly found son sincerely.

"For Merlin's sake, when did this happen?" he asked, still disbelieving what was happening.

"I don't know." Harry replied, "Are you... Do you feel uncomfortable about it?"

"No, I don't. As a matter of fact, I'm glad."

"Really?!"

"Stop it!"

"Yeah, so am I..."

"Harry, I'm so sorry for the way I have treated you for years. I had been cruel and I am so regretful about it. But when I realized you were nothing like I'd thought you to be, something changed in my heart. And now I know that you are the son I've needed for so many years. I mean if it is also how you feel. There's a chance that in another universe, a universe in which I was not so stupid, you could have been my own. But even then, I couldn't have loved you more. I'm so sorry it took me too long to understand this." Severus spoke from his heart.

"Can't we just be a family? A normal one. You, me and mum?"

"Believe me, that's the only thing I want. But I don't want to give you false hope."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I don't know what will happen. But what I know is, we have to keep working on your mother's case."

"Yes! Yes, sorry."

"And I have an idea."

"An idea?" Harry eyes lit, "What is it?"

"It's a potion which reveals all kinds of magic that had been set on one person. I will start working on it tonight. It takes two days to prepare."

"Can I help?"

"Do you really want to?"

"Yes, please."

"Very well then." Severus cleared his throat, "Mr. Potter, you have detention with me every night this week!"

"Brilliant!" Harry's eyes sparkled excitement as he lightly took his new found father in a quick embrace.

* * *

Three days later, they were again standing in Lily's hospital room under the invisibility cloak.

"Are you ready?" Severus asked.

"Yes."

Severus eliminated the cloak and taking out the potion from his pocked, he started murmuring some incantations as he levitated the potion bottle above Lily's body. The potion glowed for a moment and suddenly it disappeared. Harry was stunned when he saw his mother's body suddenly glowing green and they heard an unfamiliar female voice whispering some Latin words.

Severus listened the voice carefully with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Damn it!" he swore, "He tried to obliviate her. But the spell malfunctioned, causing her to fall into a coma."

"Obliviate? Won't she remember anything?"

"I don't know the extent of the spell yet, Harry. I have to wake her to find out. Let's not keep our expectations too high, alright?"

With that, Severus set to work on a very complicated spell which seemingly was taking all of his energy and literally exhausting him. Harry walked and grabbed him by his waist right on time. But Severus kept murmuring the incantations, sweating heavily as if he was fighting mentally with a strong enemy.

Long moments later he finally lowered his wand and out of breath, he set his eyes on the woman he loved, panting.

"Come on, Lily!" he whispered.

First her eyelids started flickering and then her body began jerking. Without even realizing, Severus threw himself out and sat on the bed, gently holding her shoulders in order to keep her steady.

"You can do it." he spoke again. Harry was totally speechless as he kept watching the scene before his eyes.

A couple of minutes later, Lily's eyelids flew open and she immediately closed them against the blinding light.

"Lily?" Severus called, her name rasped against his dry throat.

Lily opened her eyes and stared up at Severus. He gulped.

"Severus, is it you?" she asked with a faint smile.

"Yes..." Severus exhaled. His heart was a block of ice.

Lily slowly put her hands on Severus' cheeks, observing his face. Her brow furrowed and her beautiful eyes clouded as if she was fighting to hold back tears, the she finally asked:

"What happened to you?!"

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **Any kind of feedback is much appreciated... Thank you...**


	8. Chapter 8 - All Over Again

**Dear readers,**

 **I am so very sorry for keeping you waiting for a very long time. I know it took me ages to update. I promise it won't happen again. Please forgive me.**

 **And please do not forget to let me know what you think.**

 **Hope you like it.**

 **Have a good reading.**

 **Enjoy,**

 **Nickka**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 8 - All Over Again**

"What happened to you?"

"To... to me?" Severus asked back, bewildered. Was Lily really talking to him? Were all of these really happening? Or was he imagining things? Was he losing his mind?

Lily slowly sat up in bed as she continued observing her friend's anxious face, running her hands delicately on his features.

"You're old!" she stated matter of factly with a faint smile on her face.

Her eyes never changed, Severus thought. Those green eyes... Those wondering, curious, questioning, beautiful eyes... Her green eyes and her innocent smile, they were the only things keeping Severus sane at that moment.

"Am I?" he asked, lifting his eyebrows, amazed.

Harry was stunned. Besides from the fact that his mother being alive, and it was an unbelievable, amazing, wonderful thing; he had never seen his professor this vulnerable. It kind of broke Harry's heart. He couldn't help but smile faintly. And then his mother turned her attention to Harry. She looked at him confused, as she noticed the third person in the room.

"What... Who... James? No, you're not James." her mind was foggy.

"He's not James, Lily." Severus replied.

"Who is he?"

"I'm Harry." Harry finally spoke, barely.

"Harry... Harry? Harry who?"

"P...P...Potter. I'm Harry Potter."

Having understood what was going on, just a little, Severus was on edge. Silently praying that Harry wouldn't do or say anything to scare Lily.

"Potter?" she repeated and turned her head to Severus again, "Sev, is he a relative or something of James Potter? Why is he here?" she whispered, looking around with strange eyes, "What's going on? Where are we? How did we get here?" she was panicking and losing control.

But now, Severus' real concern was Harry. His mother didn't have a clue about who he was. Severus slowly reached and held Harry's shaking hand. It was ice cold.

"Stay calm!" Severus whispered as he noticed the tears threatening to fall at any moment, "Harry, we are going to fix this."

"You're going to fix what exactly? Me? Severus?"

"Lily, we will have plenty of time to talk. Please, you need to rest now."

Lily looked at Severus' and Harry's joined hands.

"Oh my god, are you gay?!"

"What? Oh, Lily, no!"

"What's happened to me? Tell me, what's going on? Who is this Harry Potter? Does he go to school with us? Why is he here, Sev? Where are we?"

Then she turned to Harry:

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. But I've never seen you at school. Well and Sev and I here, we are not really fans of your cousin... brother?" she was puzzled all over again, gesturing Severus to take over the situation.

Severus took a deep breath, praying silently for Harry to stay calm and reasonable. He breathed out and slowly, very slowly and with his tender undertone, he started talking:

"His father."

"His father?"

"James Potter is Harry's father. Lily there was an accident which caused you to lose a part of your memory."

"What?!"

"It's been nearly twenty years since you last remember us. That's why I look so old. You've been sleeping for a very long time."

Tears welled up in her eyes. She was silent but Severus knew her enough, and he could tell that she was about to break down.

"Sev, is this a prank?"

"No, Lily. It's the truth. It's 1996 now."

"No way!"

"I'm so sorry."

"But... What happened to me?"

"You were attacked." Severus started. Obviously, it was really hard for him to talk about this subject. Because Harry could clearly see him fidgeting.

"We all thought you were dead. For fifteen years." he paused to catch his breath and pull himself together, "Then... Then I saw you here by chance last week. It... It's St. Mungo's by the way."

"I've been sleeping for fifteen years?"

"Yes, you've been in a coma-like state, actually."

"But why? What exactly happened? Who attacked me?"

"Lily, can we talk about this some other time? Please?"

"No, I want to know. Who attacked me, Sev? Was it that jerk Potter and his retarded gang?" Then she remembered, remorsefully, that Harry was in the room. So she turned to him.

"Oh, I'm really sorry."

Harry couldn't say anything. He couldn't bring himself to speak actually. He was trying to formulate the words to respond but couldn't articulate any of the thoughts and feelings spinning through his head. Anger... amazement... joy... grief... so many things...

"Now tell me, who attacked me, Severus?"

"It was Voldemort, okay!" Harry finally found his voice. Now he was launching himself forward as he spoke, "He wanted to destroy you and your family." He pushed back the hair from his forehead and revealed his famous scar, "He wanted to kill me too. But he couldn't. He killed dad, that night. I was just a little baby. And we thought he killed you too."

Now Severus was really panicking. He was trying to make eye contact with Harry, but Harry was too busy to notice his enormous efforts.

"Harry... Harry look at me!"

"What? My family?" Lily was starting to hyperventilate, "What are you saying? Who are you to me?"

"Lily, calm down! Harry, please don't!" Severus pleaded, but it was too late.

"I'm your son!" Harry said it instantly, "I'm the only child of you and James Potter, about whom you've been talking with disrespect all along. I'm really mad at you for that! Because that man died protecting his family, yourself included. He is the man you were so in love with, who gave you his last name. He was your husband for Merlin's sake!"

Harry finished his speech with crazily furious and unseeing eyes which finally landed on Severus' alarmed onyx ones.

"Oh, Harry..." two words mutely left Severus' tense lips.

It felt like everything was happening in slow motion. Harry looked from Severus to Lily. Her eyes were wet with unshed tears. Green met green. Finally, two large drops of tears trickled slowly down her cheeks.

"My... husband..." she stuttered. Closing her weary eyes just for a second, she turned her gaze from Harry to Severus.

"But... But I thought... you were..."

Severus was actually flattered to hear that Lily had assumed him to be her husband. But he kept it to himself.

"No, Lily. I'm sorry." he felt his eyes were welling up with warm tears as well, Severus continued, pleading "Stay calm, please?"

"But how can I?" Lily asked, devastated.

Severus reached his hand, tried to put it on her shoulder as an act of support. But Lily was too out of it to calm down.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she shouted as she violently leaped out of the bed, shoving Severus back so hard that he actually fell flat onto his back on the floor. For a moment he was stunned by the blow before he finally picked himself up.

"Lily..."

"Are you telling me that I actually slept with that pig?!"

"Lily please, don't." Severus tried again to touch her.

"NO!" Lily screamed, balling up her fists, she started hitting Severus' torso over and over.

"ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?! NOW!"

"I'm sorry, Lily." Severus was trying to avoid her blows. She actually was hitting very hard, "Please stop."

"NOOO!"

"Lily..." he tried to grab her hands but he really didn't want to hurt her or get violent with her. So Severus simply stood there and took the blows, desperately, waiting for her to calm down. But she couldn't. Severus hopelessly looked at Harry's scared eyes as if he was looking for a miracle. When he couldn't see it in there either, he decided to do what he was about to do. What he had to do as a matter of fact.

"Lily..."

"WHAT?!"

"I'm sorry."

"FOR WHAT EXACTLY?"

"Petrificus Totalus" Severus muttered the enchantment with a calm voice and rapidly caught her before she fell down to the floor. Lifting her body in his arms, he slowly whispered, "Please forgive me for this."

Severus wandlessly charmed the bed and the entire room to show Lily peacefully sleeping in it to any living thing. He accioed the invisibility cloak and called Harry's name to wake him from his catatonic-like state:

"Harry, it's time to leave."

The boy, his head bowed in sorrow, slowly walked to him and without saying anything more to each other, they simply returned to Severus's quarters.

Severus carefully carried Lily to his own bedroom and lowered her stiff body on his bed. Harry ruffled her pillow in a desperate attempt to avoid simply standing there without doing anything. While doing this, he slowly raised his eyes and their eyes met. Severus smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I'm so sorry." Harry cried.

"Shh..."

"I don't know why I did what I did. I was so devastated, and angry, and sad, and... and..."

"Harry..."

"I'm sorry. So very sorry."

"Harry, it's going to be alright."

"Is she ever going to remember me, Severus?"

Severus didn't know the answer. And he was not going to lie to Harry.

"Honestly Harry, I just don't know."

"It's alright. It's just..." Harry sighed, "The last thing she remembers is her school years at Howgarts, isn't it?"

"Apparently, yes."

"She's not mad at you at all."

"No. She's not. " Severus replied. Was he supposed to be happy or relieved about it? He didn't know. The thing he did know though was that he was not happy or relieved about it, at all. He looked at Harry with painful eyes. They were standing on each side of the bed. Lily was peacefully sleeping between them. Harry took one look at his mother and the pain he felt in his heart was so overwhelming he started to cry soundlessly, shaking. He felt like he was ripped in two from inside.

Severus rapidly walked around the bed to the other side in record time and put his strong arms around Harry and tried to comfort him.

"I ruined it," Harry spoke, "Didn't I?"

"No, you didn't. But you didn't help either." Severus smiled, "It's alright though."

He squeezed Harry with a tight hug and waited for the boy to let himself go, to relax completely. After a very short while, Harry was sobbing between Severus' arms.

"Thank you." Harry whispered, his voice was muffled because his face was pressed against Severus' chest.

"For what exactly?" Severus asked, bewildered.

"For existing, I guess." Harry replied, chuckling a little, "You've been my rock lately."

"Is that a good thing?" Severus teased him.

"Yeah, very good."

"Harry, I promise I'll find a way to make her remember. If she doesn't, I will tell her everything, the whole story by myself. But I will make this right. Do you believe me?"

"I do."

"Good..." Severus smiled. Putting one of his hands on Harry's head, he started lightly playing with his hair, "Good..."

At that moment, Harry felt a sharp pain in his scar and started screaming uncontrollably. Severus was panicked, trying to figure it out, he pulled Harry away by his shoulders and tried to look in his eyes.

"Harry?" he asked, "What's wrong?"

But Harry's answer was another piercing scream.

"Harry, try to clear your mind." Severus ordered as he finally understood what was happening, "Push him out. You can do it. You've done it before. Just occlude!"

"NOOOOO!" Harry screamed one more time before his legs simply buckled under him when Severus skilfully caught him before falling.

"You're alright." Severus exhaled.

"He..." Harry started panting, "I... I..."

"Keep breathing."

"I couldn't... He... Severus, he saw... He saw..."

"What, he saw what, Harry?"

"He saw... you! Damn it! I couldn't keep him out. He saw you, Severus!"

"Shh..." Severus embraced the boy one more time, "It's alright. That doesn't mean anything."

"He saw how I feel about you. He saw everything."

"It's alright, it's alright! I'm a spy, remember? I'm used to situations like this. I can deal with it."

"But..."

"It won't change anything, Harry. Just stay calm and keep breathing. You're alright."

"Are you sure... that it's okay?"

"Yes, I'm absolutely positive." Severus lied, "I will manage with that. I can easily lie around it, don't worry."

"He will be mad at you. How... How exactly can you lie to him, Severus? He will know that you're lying. He'll know that I... We..." Harry started hyperventilating again.

"Harry, calm down!"

"How could I be so stupid?! I should have known better. I'm trouble. I'm always trouble."

"Harry, stop!"

"No, I must go. I can never see you again."

"Don't be ridiculous, please!"

"No..."

"HARRY STOP!" Severus shouted, his voice echoing oddly in the room. His face was crucial and depressed, but never mad at Harry. "I said I will figure something out!"

"But, what?"

"I will think of something."

"I'm so sorry, Severus. I'm trouble."

"You're not trouble."

"But I made you..."

"Harry, look at me," Severus turned Harry around so now they were face to face anymore, "You didn't make me do anything. I chose to do what I did. It's my decision. It's my feelings. And it's actually the right thing to do. So, it's alright. Stop blaming yourself."

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, child. Now, are you alright?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Any pain?"

"No, no. It's gone."

"Good, because your mother is going to wake up very soon."

"Oh, yeah. What are we going to do about that, Sev?"

There was an awkward silence.

"I... I can call you Sev, right? I kind of like it."

"Yes, Harry you can call me Sev. But if I hear it from anyone, and I mean anyone, you're doomed!"

"Okay, I promise. So what are we going to do now?"

"I don't know!" Severus chuckled unexpectedly, "I'm sorry. It's just... I'm just so glad that she's alive."

The fact that Severus was actually, truly giggling calmed Harry down a little. He tried to smile as well.

"I don't actually think..."Severus continued speaking but his sentence was cut short when an awful pain spread over his body. He hissed and groaned.

"What is it?" Harry asked but the instant he saw Severus grabbing his left forearm desperately, a terrible feeling came over him and into him. He felt his heart sinking.

"I should go." Severus spoke, his voice was hoarse.

"No!" Harry objected.

With one flick of his wand, Severus changed his own clothes into Death Eater robes.

"NO!"

"Harry, I have to go!"

"No, Severus. No, I won't let you go!"

"It's not about you. You don't understand. I have to go. If I don't, it will be worse."

"NO!" crying hysterically, Harry grabbed the collar of Severus' robes.

"Harry, let go! Please, don't make this any harder."

"Please..."

Harry didn't want to let Severus go, but with a swift movement of his harm, Severus could easily push Harry away. And taking advantage of this separation, Severus ran to the window and in a couple of seconds, he was gone.

* * *

Harry stood in front of the fireplace in the living room, simply staring at the glowing coals, trying to urge his tears to stop but failing, unfortunately. He couldn't stop his trembling hands either. He grabbed his ears but the ringing in his ears wouldn't go away. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't decide if he even should do anything at all. He was at a loss for what to do, what to think.

Just then, he heard some noises coming from Severus' bedroom. He ran to the room to find his mother waking from her sleep.

Lily's green eyes were showing from her narrowed eyelids. They opened fully when she saw Harry staring at him from the door frame, with an unreadable expression on his face. She slowly sat up. Harry was the last person she wanted to see.

"Where is Severus?" she asked.

"Um... He... He's not here."

"Well, then where is he?" she asked again. This time she was very irritated.

"He has a meeting, I guess."

"A meeting? What kind of meeting?"

"Uh... Well... I... It's... It's an important one." Harry replied stuttering, without knowing where to put his hands.

Lily cautiously looked around.

"Where is this place?" Where are we?"

"We're at Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts?"

"Yes, ma'am, in Professor Snape's private rooms."

"Professor Snape?" Lily started laughing, but when Harry didn't join her, she figured it was not a joke, "It's not a joke, is it?"

"No, Ma'am. Sev is a professor. Potions. He's the head of Slytherin House as well."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, ma'am."

"Oh wow! How long have I been asleep again?"

"Fifteen years ma'am."

Harry was awkwardly staring at Lily.

"Look," she spoke again, "I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything. But it's too hard for me to imagine myself with Pot... I mean James. It's too hard for me to accept you for who you are right away. I mean, yesterday I was at your age, as far as I remember, hanging with Severus."

"It's alright ma'am. I know you were in love with Severus."

"Well no, it wasn't really love love. But we were..." she paused just for a second, "close."

"And he was in love with you as well."

"Was he?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Did he tell you that?" She was really acting like a teenager. Harry didn't like it at all.

"Well, he didn't need to tell me." Harry smiled, "I know he's still in love with you."

Lily smiled a smile which was the brightest smile Harry had ever seen.

"Do you really think so?"

"I know so." Harry replied, amazed by his own ability to accept Severus' feelings for his mother. There had to be only one reason for such an acceptance: Harry loved Severus too. Like his mother said, not really love love. But he loved him anyway.

"Harry, I need some more sleep. Wake me up when Sev returns from his meeting, will you?"

"Sure, ma'am."

"Thank you." Lily smiled again and closed her eyes.

Harry was all alone again, worried sick about Severus. He didn't know what he would do if he lost Severus.

Suddenly he heard the familiar crushing sound of the glass and as he turned around from the sofa he had been sitting, he saw the blood covered precious bundle lying on the ground, which broke his heart into pieces in one second. His legs gave way under him as he grabbed the side of the sofa.

"Lily!" Harry shouted, "LILY, WAKE UP!"

"LILY! WAKE UP! LILY!"

Lily came running from the bedroom seconds later. When she saw Severus lying on the ground, without hesitation she threw herself for the rescue.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, Severus! What happened?"

She turned her head to Harry, who hadn't been able to move from the exact spot in front of the sofa.

"Harry, what happened?"

"Is... Is he... Is he alive?" Harry's voice was hysterical, "Tell me he's alive. Please tell me he's alive!"

Lily quickly fell to her knees, taking a closer look at Severus. He should have been dead, the way he was twisted, the amount of blood that was running down his sides around him... But she saw his chest moving with shallow breaths. Was he really alive? How was he alive?

"He's breathing!" she whispered, still not believing what she was seeing. "Yes, he's alive!" he said, and she bowed her head gracefully.

Harry felt the heavy weight being pulled from his back.

"Stay with him," he said, "I will get the cure!"

With that, Harry ran to the cabinet for Severus' special potion. He grabbed it and ran back only to find Lily holding Severus' both hands and hysterically sobbing on them.

"Let me give him the potion!" Harry demanded, "We have to hurry!"

* * *

Half an hour later, the three of them were finally in Severus' bedroom. Severus in the bed unconscious, Harry sitting on the floor next to the bed and holding Severus' left hand and Lily on the other side of the bed, sitting next to Severus and holding his other hand.

"When is he going to wake up?" she asked.

"It's better for him not to wake right now. If he does, he will be in a lot of pain."

"But he's going to be alright, isn't he?"

"Yes. Yes, don't worry."

"What happened? Is it his father again?"

"No, Lily. It's worse."

"What is it that I don't know? Harry, please tell me, what have I missed?"

"I'm not sure it's my place to tell you."

"Please tell me, Harry. What happened to Severus?"

Harry looked at Lily's emerald eyes. It was strange, like looking at his own eyes. She was his mother. She was Sev's Lily. It wouldn't be harmful to tell her.

"He... He was in a meeting." Harry spoke.

"What kind of meeting?"

"A very dark and dangerous one."

"With whom exactly?"

"Well... I..."

"Tell me, Harry!"

"V... Voldemort!"

"VOLDEMORT?! Why would he meet Voldemort?"

"Because..."

"Because?"

"Because Severus is a death eater."

"WHAT?! What kind of joke is this?!"

"It's not a joke. But it's not..."

"You're my son! MY SON! And you live with a death eater?!"

"No, listen to me!"

"You live with a death eater!"

"No, it's..."

"You are friends with a death eater?!"

"HEY! STOP! You are friends with a death eater too, okay?! Now, will you please listen to me?!"

"How could Severus do this? How could he? I trusted him. I loved him!"

"And he did nothing to betray your trust or love! He's a spy for Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore?"

"Yes."

"But why? It's too dangerous!"

"He had to do it... well... in order to protect me actually."

"Protect you? Why?"

"I actually have a pivotal role in the defeat of Lord Voldemort. And for your information, I'm not talking about this anymore!"

"Okay..." Lily smiled nervously, "So Sev adopted you?"

"Adopted me? No, not exactly."

"So how did you two meet?"

"I met him when I was eleven when I first came to Hogwarts. Until then, I didn't know I was a wizard. I live with Aunt Petunia and her family."

"You live with Tunie? But she hates me!"

"Believe me, she hates me too!"

"Well, I'm glad to see you two getting along well together!" a silky but tired voice broke off the conversation.

"Severus, are you alright?" Harry instantly climbed up the bed and sat beside him, "What did he do to you?"

"I'm okay, don't worry."

"Was he mad?"

"What do you think?" Severus asked with a sarcastic voice, slowly eyeing his own body.

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him that Dumbledore ordered me to get close to you... to know you better and protect you. And I told him I had thought it was a good opportunity to gather information from you. And if you trusted me I would... you know..."

"That's a good excuse actually. Then why didn't he believe you?"

"Who said he didn't? He did believe me."

"Then why did he hurt you?"

"Why wouldn't he?"

"Son of a bitch!" Harry hissed with anger, "I will kill him!"

"Believe me, Harry, if you said this to Dumbledore, he would be jubilant about it. But seriously, I hate the idea."

"Sev, how are you feeling?" Lily asked this time.

"I am as good as I can be. Thank you for making a fuss about it."

"Severus Tobias Snape! You're always the same!"

"Tobias?! Your middle name is Tobias?!" Harry chuckled.

"Shut up, Potter!"

"I was so scared when I saw you like that, Sev. I thought you were dead." Lily continued, holding his hand.

"Believe me, it was nothing."

"The boy told me where you have been. Sev, it's too dangerous. Why are you doing this?"

Severus glared at Harry. It was the most murderous one Harry had ever seen. And he had seen quite a few glares by now.

"Lily, I know it's hard to understand but I have to do it."

"To protect Harry, so one day in the future he would kill Voldemort, right?"

"Something like that, yes. There's more."

"What else is there?"

Severus looked at Lily's eyes. The eyes which he had been longing for so many years.

"He is your son..." Severus whispered, simple like that.

"Sev?"

"Yes?"

"Why isn't he yours as well?"

His eyes revealed how shattered he felt. His chest tightened and he shook his head, fighting back tears. Seeing Severus so vulnerable broke Harry's heart. Awkwardly he excused himself from the room.

"It was my fault." Severus whispered, regretfully.

"Your fault how?"

"Potter and his followers, they were giving me hard time again. I was so troubled. I mean things were getting worse with my father, and everything. And I got so mad easily. I... You came to my rescue, but I was so humiliated. I did something horrible."

"Oh Sev, what did you do?"

"I... called you... mudblood."

"What?! You called me mudblood?!"

"..."

"YOU CALLED ME MUDBLOOD, YOU SON OF A BITCH?!" Lily started hitting him, "You... called... me... mudblood... you... stupid... excuse... of a... best friend!"

Severus was shielding his body from Lily's blows. Because she was actually hurting him, especially with newly implied wounds all over his body.

But then the most unexpected happened and Lily burst out laughing. She was laughing so hard that she couldn't sit straight and she tumbled over Severus. Severus was flabbergasted.

"Are... are you serious?" she asked, still laughing.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you serious? Is that the real reason?"

"Well, yes?"

"What a... what a stupid reason! I've never heard such a stupid thing. Is it really why I chose Potter over you?!"

"Well, I think so..."

"And it was so traumatic that you are still crying over it?"

Severus tried to wipe his silent tears with his hand but Lily stopped him. Instead, she ran her own hand delicately on his cheeks. But Severus started crying harder and louder.

"Oh... oh Sev, really?!"

Lily flung herself forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him to herself tight.

"Severus please don't cry! I'm sorry!"

"No, I'm sorry," he sobbed, "It's just... I can't believe what's happening right now."

"What is happening right now?" she asked, smiling mischievously.

"I'm... I'm being forgiven..." he whispered.

Lily knew Severus had had a horrible childhood. She knew how he had suffered during all through his childhood and teenage years. But she had never seen him crying like this.

"Oh Sev, I don't care if you called me mudblood or whatever. I would never be mad at you like that because of such a stupid reason. I know what you have been through, and how cruel that Potter and his gang could be. I don't know why I reacted the way I did. Obviously, I don't remember any of it. But now, when I think about it, I'm not mad at all!"

"Lily... I mean... I'm sorry. But it's like my whole life... I mean, it sounds meaningless to you because you don't remember any of it. But my life... My whole life... All those years... The reason I have ruined my life... All those damn years..."

"But it's over now, Severus. It's alright now. Now we have each other, don't we? You came for me, rescued me?"

"Yes... Yes, I think I did."

Lily put both of her hands on his wet cheeks and made him look up at her.

"Stop thinking about what you've lost. You haven't lost me." she whispered.

"But I thought I had."

"I love you, Severus."

"You do?"

"Yes, I do. Very much!"

"I love you, too."

Severus finally smiled as Lily slowly leaned and kissed him softly on his salty lips.

* * *

 **END OF CHAPTER NINE**

 **by** NICKKA


	9. Chapter 9 -Closer We Get Further We Fall

**Hello again.**

 **Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews. Seriously, they made my day. I'm flattered, thank you. Please keep them coming :)**

 **Here is the next chapter for you. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **Good reading everyone.**

 **x**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 9 - THE CLOSER WE GET THE FURTHER WE FALL**

It was around two in the morning when Harry woke with a start. Looking around, it took him several minutes to recognize Severus' living room. His whole body ached because his muscles were sore from the ordeal last night. He thought he needed to check on Severus and without any hesitations or second thoughts he opened his bedroom door and let himself inside the room. But he regretted not knocking the door first as soon as he stepped inside and saw his mother and Severus sleeping. Together! They actually seemed very peaceful, their arms curdled around eachother.

"Damn!" Harry sweared under his breath. At that moment Lily opened her eyes to see Harry's baffled expression.

"Oh, Harry!" Lily sat up immediately, waking Severus with her movement.

"I... I... I'm sorry..." Harry stuttered, "I..."

"Oh, Harry. Harry, I swear nothing happened. We were just sleeping!"

"No, no... It's alright. I just... I... Sorry!" Harry couldn't say anything more. He turned around on his heels and threw himself out of the room with light speed.

"Shit! Shit!" Severus yanked the quilt aside and jumped out of the bed, hissing with instant pain which spread all over his body as he moved.

He caught Harry just before he stepped out of the main door of his quarters.

"Harry, wait!" he placed his hand on Harry's shoulder in an attempt to make Harry turn around and look at him. But Harry insisted and kept his back to Severus.

"I'm glad you're alright, Severus." he spoke coldly, "I just wanted to check. I'm sorry."

"Harry, look at me, please."

"Severus, I really don't want to do this now."

"Harry, it's not what you think."

"What do I think, Severus?" Harry turned around and looked Severus straight in the eye.

The man could see Harry's hurt inside his furious eyes.

"Harry, nothing happened. We are just really good friends."

"Severus, it's not..."

"Do you realy think I would do anything without you knowing?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Severus. What will you do? Ask my permission to sleep with my mother?!"

"Don't do that, Harry. You know that's not what I meant." Severus was offended.

Harry lowered his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Severus. It's not that, really. I know you love eachother. That's okay."

"How do you know that?"

"It's obvious," Harry smirked, "I'm okay with it. I'm actually happy for you two."

"But still, you have to know, nothing happened between us last night."

"But it should happen, Severus. You're in love. My problem is not love."

"Then what is, Harry?"

"Hatred. The problem is hatred."

"Hatred?"

"I just can't stand the idea that my father is the bad guy here."

"He's not the bad guy, Harry."

"But you both hate him."

"Harry look, James was not a bad man. He was a real jerk, okay, when he was at school. I accept. But he grew out of it. He'd grown to be a really good husband and father. He died protecting his loved ones. I didn't hate him because he was a bad man, Harry. I hated him because of his stupid actions. But I don't anymore."

"But actions define people."

"Sometimes they don't."

"They do!"

"I've done so many bad things as well. Do the crimes I committed in Dark Lord's circle define me?"

"But that's different. You're a spy. You act there!"

"It was not always my intention to spy for Dumbledore. I've joined the Dark Lord because I wanted to. And also, does being a spy and pretending as a death eater justify the crimes I've committed while pretending? I actually hurt people while pretending."

Harry was at a loss of words for a moment.

"So Harry, sometimes actions don't define people."

"I don't know what yo say to you, Severus."

"Don't say anything. Just believe me when I say this: James Potter was a good man, a good husband and a good father."

"So you've forgiven him?"

"Don't push it, Potter!"

"Don't call me Potter now!"

"I'm sorry."

"Okay."

"Harry, there is nothing to forgive. We were young and we did stupid things, that's all."

"But all she can remember is James being a bully. She doesn't know that he had grown to be a good man. She hates him."

"Yes, but it's just temporary. Eventually she will remember that she loved him."

"And that she hated you?"

"Well... yes... eventually..."

"But it's not fair. I don't want that, either."

"Life's not fair, Harry. Whatever happened happened. We cannot ignore the consequences of our actions. I made a mistake, not one actually, so many... And I have to live with it. So it's alright. Don't worry too much. Things will get better for you and your mother."

"What about you?"

"What about me? You'll get your second chance with each other. And I will return to my miserable life."

"But you deserve your second chance too, Severus!"

"No, I don't!" Severus curtly said.

"What?" Harry was puzzled.

"This, Harry. This is my second chance. With you and with Lily. I'm having my second chance right now. There won't be any other chances for me."

"But..."

"You're going to say that it is temporary. I know. But that's what I deserve. An illusion is what I get. I'm glad that I have it."

"Severus..."

"Please let me have it as long as I can," Severus pleaded, "Don't leave now, Harry!"

Harry outstretched his arms and threw himself onto the man, fisting his shirt in his hands. Severus returned the hug.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry!"

"Don't be. It's going to be alright."

They parted. Severus' delicate hands were still holding Harry's weak shoulder.

"Harry, I have an idea."

"What is it?" Harry asked with concern.

"I think three of us should take some time off and go somewhere else. What do you think? We can hide and keep Lily away from Dumbledore."

"Where will we go?"

"I don't know. Away from Hogwarts."

"I really don't know, Severus."

"My parents used to go to a little cottage, in Corwald Forest. It's small but really out of sight. And safe. Noone knows about it."

"What are we going to tell Dumbledore?"

"Well, we're going to tell him what he needs to know. And that is absolutely nothing!"

Harry nervously smiled. Severus continued:

"I'll tell Minerva that we need somewhere quiet for our occlumency lessons. She will inform Albus. I don't know. I don't care. I really don't want to see that old coot now."

"Okay. Yes." Harry agreed, smiling.

"Yes?"

"Yes. Let's go immediately!"

Severus smiled back as he put his arm around Harry's shoulders and playfully messed his hair.

"Very well then..."

Lily watched them from accross the hall, smiling. This picture was her ideal family.

* * *

Sidonia Cottage was located in the middle of Corwald Forest, with no neighboring houses. It had a shabby roof and walls made of stones and sat almost obscured by the green forest, seeming to blend into the heavenly landscape. It had a porch covered with wisteria and beautiful blue diamond roses climbed up the walls, framing the little wooden windows. It seemed so quiet and peaceful.

"This is so beautiful." Lily murmured, her beautiful green eyes were shining with joy.

"I'm glad you like it. It's old but it's covenient. There is also a little pond behind the house. It has a really beautiful view." Severus started showing them around the house.

A while later, when finally Harry and Lily walked inside, Severus stood in front of the cottage and looked at it with eyes full of fear and sorrow. Was he really ready to go inside? He'd thought he was. But now, actually standing in front of this hell hole, he was not so sure.

Noticing that Severus was still standing outside, Lily walked back and slowly touched Severus by the shoulder in order to wake him up from his thoughts.

"Sev?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's just... too many bad memories. Horrible, to be honest."

Lily carefully lowered her hand and grabbed his hand, urging him to look at her eyes. Severus' hand held onto hers for dear life. She patiently waited until Severus' shiny black eyes met hers. When they did, she started speaking:

"Sev, I know. But it's people who make memories horrible. It's not houses or places. You know that, Right?"

"I know..."

Severus turned his head and kept staring at the house straight ahead. His face was tense, his jaw flexed as he kept squeezing Lily's hand in his own.

"You're here with us now, Sev. Harry and me... Your new family? Your father is not here anymore."

Family... It was an unfamiliar term for Severus. Yes, of course he had a family but he never knew what it really meant. And now Lily was volunteering to be his family. As a matter of fact, she had already been his family once. But that was too many years ago and before she had given up on him. Now she was only having an illusion. Severus was starting to hate that word, really. As soon as she remembered what had really happened, she would hate him again, and leave him with his own lonely miserable life. Severus didn't want to be fooled again. He didn't want to continue with this conversation anymore.

"Let's go inside." he said instead. Pulling Lily by her hand, he swiftly walked inside.

The inside of the cottage was like stepping back into simpler times. Old furniture and dark wooden walls made it seem darker. The main room was a small living area with a kitchen on the corner. Behind the kitchen counter, there was a small wooden table with four chairs. The long shelf on the wall contained some old and broken plates and pans.

The opposite end of the room had a small sitting area. There were a ragged sofa and a little armchair with an end table on the far corner of the room. A large wooden window stood next to the main door, and a smaller one at the next wall. The walls were dirty and bare except some landscape posters and various spots. The floor had no carpets or rugs and many of the floorboards were rotting. An old brick fireplace took up almost one entire side of the living area.

There were two small bedrooms on each side of the main room. One of them contained a large double bed and a wooden dresser. The other room was even smaller. This was Severus' old room. It had a single bed, a ridiculously small bookshelf and an old desk which had carvings and drawings on.

Harry was beaming around from room to room with a satisfied expression on his face. When he arrived at Severus' old room, he excitedly spoke:

"This is not bad at all, Sev. Where do I get to sleep? Can I choose? Can I sleep in this room?"

Lily smiled at the fact that Harry was actually happy and excited. She turned her smiling face to Severus to listen to his answer. But Severus seemed like he wasn't there mentally. His weary black eyes were fixed on the bed, glittering with unshed tears. His jaw was clenched tight. His breathing became labored like he was carrying something heavy. Lily watched the muscles in his throat working, his Adam's apple moved as he swallowed, hard.

"Severus?"

"This is where everything happened..." Severus whispered, keeping his gaze fixed on his old bed.

Understanding sank into Lily's heart as Severus turned his gaze from the room to meet her beautiful green eyes.

"I... I don't want it anymore!" Harry stated, his voice almost sounded like an apology.

"I must step outside... for the protective enchantments..." Severus excused himself awkwardly shaking his head, he moved his eyes from Lily to Harry and then back to Lily again.

"Okay..." Lily replied nervously.

Severus spun on his heels and left without saying anything else.

Harry and Lily looked at each other with confusion written all over their faces.

"You know what he meant, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. He told me."

"He must trust you very much. He didn't even tell me." Lily stated.

"But, how do you know then?" Harry was puzzled.

"I figured it out myself and asked him. That's when he confessed everything."

"Maybe it was a bad idea to come here." Harry was already regretful about coming to this cottage, "I didn't know this house was where... I mean, where..."

"I knew. But Sev told me that he was over it and it was alright anymore. Now, I feel so bad, Harry. Maybe we should have told Dumbledore and stayed at Hogwarts."

"No! No, we couldn't have stayed at Hogwarts. We can't trust Dumbledore."

"Why not?"

"Dumbledore was the one who had tried to obliviate you. And there was a malfunction and you ended up in a coma."

"Are you serious? But why? Why would he do such thing?"

"I don't know."

"Does Severus?"

"No, he doesn't know, yet. But he's going to find out, don't worry."

"So we're stuck here for a while, aren't we?" Lily asked hopelessly leaning against the wall.

"I'm afraid we are." Harry replied. He reached out his hand and grabbed the door handle, "I'm not stepping into this room again!" he declared as he slammed the old door shut.

The rest of the day passed with minimal interaction between three of them. The room was not mentioned again. When it was dinner time Harry and Lily prepared a soup and chicken salad as Severus was set to scourgify the fireplace and stacked some logs before setting them on fire.

After dinner, they finally settled on the old ragged sitting area.

"So anyone wants hot chocolate?" Lily tried to ease the tension but there was no use. Neither Severus nor Harry was in the mood for a conversation.

"Okay," she gave up, "I just want both of you to know that I am much obliged to you for your efforts and sacrifices for protecting me. I'm really flattered, thank you."

"Don't mention it." Harry replied, "We're actually very happy that you're alive. I mean it's like a miracle."

"Harry, I know I haven't been polite from the beginning. But everything was a shock for me. I'm so sorry that I still can't remember you, but I'm very sure that I must have loved you very much. You're a good boy."

"Thank you. It means a lot to me."

"I really would like my memory back." Lily stated and turned her attention to Severus who had been sitting on the far end of the sofa, quietly watching the flames, "So Sev, when do you think I get my memory back?"

But Severus was lost in thoughts. He didn't notice the two pairs of emerald eyes watching him with concern.

"Sev?"

"Sorry, what?"

"My memory... When do you think I get it back?"

"I uh... I'm actually working on it, Lily. I've brought some books and potion ingredients. I have a couple of possibilities in my mind. I will try everything to make it right. Please, trust me on that."

"Sev, I trust you on every matter!"

"Thank you." he forced a fake smile, didn't think he was fooling anyone now.

"Sev, are you alright?" Harry asked this time with worry in his voice.

"Yes..." Severus' voice sounded heavy and he turned away. Harry could see his sorrowful profile silhouetted by the dim lighting from the fire.

"I'm just very tired," Severus continued, "If you don't mind, I really want to try to get some sleep."

"Yes, sure," Lily replied, "We all should try to get some rest."

Three of them looked at each other awkwardly. They had to figure out how they would share one bedroom and one living room to settle down for the night. Since Severus' old bedroom was not an alternative anymore.

"You know what," Harry finally broke the silence which had been hanging over the room, "I'll take the sofa. You two can take the double bed and get some rest, okay?"

Severus looked at Lily. He knew he couldn't bring himself to sleep on his damned father's old bed either, even if he tried to. But he could lie down on a blanket on the corner of the room and Lily could comfortably take the bed.

"Are you sure you're okay with that, Harry?" Lily asked, secretly pleased with the idea.

"Absolutely," Harry smiled sincerely, "Go get some rest."

"Thank you." Lily smiled back as she took Severus by his arm and walked him into the room, "Good night, Harry."

"Good night."

* * *

"You really don't need to do this, Severus. I don't want you to be sore in the morning. It's quite cold and a blanket on the floor can't be more comfortable than the bed." Lily protested when she learned Severus' plan for the night.

"Lily..."

"We can sleep side by side, Sev. I'm totally alright with that."

"Lily, that's not it."

"What is it then?"

Severus looked down. His face was grim, his frame tense. Lily noticed that there was something dark behind his eyes.

"Talk to me, Sev."

"It's... It's his bed, Lily. My father actually slept in this bed. It... No matter how clean the sheets are, it's always filthy to me!"

"Oh... well... then I'm not sleeping in it, either!"

"Lily, don't be ridiculous!"

"Sev, please..."

"No!"

"Let me lie down with you on the floor, at least until you fall asleep?"

"But you'll go get comfortable after that, okay?"

"Okay." Lily smiled.

"Promise me!"

"I promise."

"Alright..."

Lily sat down on the blanket and leaned her back on the wall, inviting Severus to her lap. Severus settled down, his face resting on her knees. Lily reached and took one of his hands.

"It's going to be alright." she whispered.

Severus closed his eyes, savouring the moment. They stayed like this until Lily heard his sleepy voice, saying "Come lie with me."

With that, Lily carefully got up and slowly lay down next to him, putting her head on his shoulder and placing her hand on his chest feeling his heart beating slow and steadily underneath her palm. They lay like that for a while. Quiet. Content. Drifting along until their hearts and breathing were as one.

* * *

 **END OF CHAPTER 9**

 **by** NICKKA


	10. Chapter 10 - Same Old Nightmare

Hello dear readers,

First of all, I want to thank all of you for your wonderful comments. Thank you so much. They mean a lot to me. I am so sorry for keeping you waiting such a long time. But you see, I am a private school principal and have lots of work to do all the time.

I will update again as soon as I can.

Thank you for bearing with me.

Here is my 10th chapter.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did when I was writing it.

Please do not forget to let me know what you think.

Cheers.

Nickka

* * *

 **CHAPTER 10 - SAME OLD NIGHTMARE**

It was a metallic sound. Something kept hitting somewhere and making that eerie sound to his ears. Severus opened his eyes. The room was dark. He swore under his breath when he noticed Lily fallen asleep in his arms.

"Oh, you promised, you stubborn woman!"

He slowly and very carefully got up, paying extra attention to his gentle movements; and without making any sound he took Lily in his arms, gently carried her to the comfortable and empty bed. He kissed her forehead and covered her with the blanket. Slowly backing away from the bed, he stopped when his back touched the wall. For a little while, he kept looking at her peacefully sleeping form with mesmerized eyes. But something was wrong. He couldn't stop the peculiar feeling inside him. He suddenly felt the urge to see Harry. He needed to see him and make sure that he was alright. Severus rapidly turned to the door in order to rush out of the room and go check on Harry, but he was stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Lily entering the room from the other side of the only door with a glass of water in her hand.

"Hey Sev, you're awake! I just needed to get some water," she smiled, "Would you like some?"

Severus' black eyes grew wide with fear and panic. Hadn't he just laid her on the bed a few seconds ago? Wasn't she asleep? But now the same Lily was standing before his eyes, wide awake and smiling as if nothing had been wrong. With a quick movement, Severus swiftly spun his head back to look at the bed and flinched as he saw his worst nightmare, his filthy father looking and perversely smiling at him.

"Thank you for tucking me in, son!" he said.

"NO!" This was Severus' breaking point, "NO!" he shouted, "STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

He grabbed Lily by her arm and hurried out of the room into the living room, yelling hysterically to wake Harry:

"HARRY, WAKE UP! WE HAVE TO LEAVE!"

He shook Harry and when he slightly woke, Severus put a light blanket around the boy's weak shoulders and with one hand, he urged him to the front door. His other hand was holding Lily's faint one with such force that their hands were all sweaty.

"We have to go!" Severus declared again as he reached for the door and opened it. But when he opened the door, instead of the dark view of Corwal Forest, he saw his old, scrappy bedroom. Severus was puzzled. He turned around, searching for an explanation but he realized that he was alone at that door. Where were Lily and Harry?

Suddenly a bitter hand pushed him inside the room causing him to stumble and fall. Severus moaned with pain as his face hit the hard wooden floor.

"What do you want from me?" he asked.

"You know what exactly I want from you, boy. Don't you?" his father's rusty voice replied.

The word "boy" echoed in Severus' mind over and over. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to calm his pounding heart which had been drumming in his throat for a while and now was choking him.

"Boy... Boy..."

"..."

"Hey boy!" Wake up, boy!"

"..."

"Wake up! Sev?" This was not his father's voice!

"What?"

"Sev, wake up! You're having a nightmare."

It definitely was not his father.

"Lily?" he asked, horrified. He forced his eyes to open but they were being stubborn.

"Are you alright, Severus?" Lily asked.

"Yes, I think so. What happened?"

"We were sitting on the couch and you fell asleep."

"No, we were not sitting on the couch, Lily." Something was wrong, "We already went to the room to sleep. Don't you remember?"

"No, we were on the couch, Sev!"

Severus was still struggling to open his eyes and now the fact that he wasn't succeeding was beginning to get overwhelming.

"What's wrong, Sev?"

"Lily, I can't open my eyes!"

"What?"

"My eyes! They won't open!" Severus repeated.

Lily started laughing defiantly. "Of course they won't, Severus."

"Why not?"

"..." There was no answer.

"Why won't they open, Lİly?!"

But this time the voice which replied was not Lily's soft and caring one. It was harsh and vicious. It was Voldemort's vulgar voice:

"Because you're blindfolded, Severus!"

Suddenly there was a snap and Severus felt a sharp pain in his back. His bareback. He realized he wasn't wearing anything. Anything but that dirty blindfold tied around his head, pulling his hair roughly.

"I didn't do anything!" Severus rebelled with a voice full of anger.

"Yes, you did, Severus!" Voldemort hissed as he kept slashing his flesh, "You did a very very bad thing."

"NO!" Severus moaned.

"You called her mudblood, Severus."

"What? Y...Yes, but I was forgiven!"

"Were you, really?"

"Yes!"

"NO, YOU WERE NOT!" Voldemort shouted as the whip bit into Severus' skin one more time.

"I was forgiven. We got married. She loves me!"

"NO, SHE DOENS'T!" The whip slashed for the thousandth time.

"Yes, she does! And I love her!"

"NO, YOU DON'T!" Voldemort cracked the whip again and again and again... and again...

"I DO!"

"DON'T TALK BACK BOY! STOP SCREAMING! SHUT UP AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!"

Who was that? Voldemort or his father? Where was he? He was extremely weak and dizzy, confused, muddled and hurting. He cried again as the whip slashed his skin one more time and his own cries woke him. He opened his weary eyes. He was in the living room, lying on the floor beaten and broken, but surprisingly he was alone.

"Nightmare..." he sighed. Slowly he picked himself up and stood by the fireplace. He has to be sure. Hesitantly, he walked to his old bedroom and put his hand on the doorknob. Taking a deep, nervous breath, he spun the knob and opened the door widely with a swift movement.

"Oh, no no no!" he groaned, his eyes were fixed on the old, little bed. Now, Severus was desperately watching a vulnerable ten-year-old version of himself violently being raped by his own father.

"NO, STOP STOP!" he shouted, pinned where he stood.

"SHUT UP OR I'LL KILL YOU AND YOUR MOTHER!"

His father raised his hand and for a moment he thought he was going to hit the little boy on the bed, whom this time happened to bear a ridiculous resemblance to Harry. But instead, he grabbed Severus' long hair and slammed his face down on the floor again. That was when everything went black.

"Severus, wake up."

And he woke one more time, sitting up shockingly fast. He was on the floor but not in his old bedroom. Instead, he was sitting on the old blanket which was laid on the corner on his father's room. Lily was sitting on it with him, looking at him with worried green eyes. Severus felt dizzy as he stared blankly around and tried to figure out what the hell just happened.

"Sev?" Lily spoke, trying to make an eye contact with him.

"Am I awake?" he asked with a scared expression on his face and cold sweat on his forehead, "Is this real? Am I awake now?"

"Sev, are you alright?"

"Am I awake?"

"Severus?"

"AM I FUCKING AWAKE?!"

"Y...Yes! Yes, you are awake! Sev?"

"Am I? Are you really sure? Severus cried. His pleading eyes touched Lily's heart.

"Oh, Severus," she cooed, pulling him closer and took him in her arms, "It's alright. It was just a bad dream."

Severus leaned his head against her shoulder as he closed his eyes and exhaled slowly with a soft groan for one brief moment of much-needed relaxation.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"No. No, I really wouldn't!" Severus replied. But his voice betrayed him.

"Sev, are you crying?"

"No!" he denied first, but then he gave up, "yes, I'm sorry. It was just... so real. I can't help... I'm sorry if I scared you, Lily."

"It's alright," Lily answered with a soft voice, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"First it was my father, chasing us. I tried to get you and Harry out of here, but I failed," Severus paused for some air. His breathing was labored, his nose was clogged, "...and then it was Voldemort," he hissed, "torturing, yelling. I...I couldn't... stop... He said you didn't... and I... My father... I couldn't stop him..."

"Shh... It's alright. It's over now, Sev."

"Hmm..."

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"Maybe we shouldn't have come here..."

"No, we didn't have a choice. We had to come here."

"But, look at what it's doing to you."

"It's alright. It's not a big deal. We had to come here to protect you and Harry."

"But, what about you?"

"I'm not important, Lily."

"Oh Sev, of course, you are! You are important to me. And obviously, you are important for Harry, too."

Severus didn't say anything. Instead, he simply wrapped his arms around her waist, clinging tightly to her. He was grateful for Lily's concern but he really was not that important. Harry was sticking with him only for his mother's sake. And Lily sooner or later will remember everything. So, this was absolutely temporary. Everything was temporary. Severus knew that he had a limited time. He had to do everything in his power to protect them in this limited time. So he had to stop feeling sorry for himself and start acting as he was expected to. Yes, he knew that. But just for tonight, Severus let himself go and kept crying in Lily's arms as she rocked him gently and reassured him that everything would be alright.

Without making any sound, Harry was watching them through the crack of the door.

Next morning, Harry and Lily were preparing breakfast together when Lily finally asked what was bothering him.

"It's just nothing, really," Harry replied.

"Come on, Harry. Talk to me." Lily demanded.

"I... I'm worried about Severus. This house is... it's haunting him."

"You heard what happened last night, didn't you?" Lily asked understanding sinking in.

"I did," Harry answered as he pulled one of the chairs and sat, "..and I don't want to stay here anymore."

"I don't want to stay either, Harry. "But Severus thinks this is our only option."

"We will find other options then." Harry suggested raising his voice, "We should leave immediately."

"No!" came the strong answer from Severus who had been standing at the bedroom door for a while.

"Severus? You are awake. How are you feeling?" Lily was surprised to see him this early hour of the morning.

"I am quite alright. Thank you for asking." Severus replied with a cold and stern voice, "But I will feel better if you stop treating me like I'm an invalid. I will appreciate if you terminate your mission of reminding me that I am emotionally unstable."

"Severus, we were just..." Harry started to talk but was silenced by Severus' crisp hand movement.

"No, listen to me," Severus demanded as he walked to the kitchen table, grabbed a chair and settled, "I was raped by my father... In this very house... and returning back here after a long time has affected my emotional level. I accept that. I've had a weak moment. But I'm done with crying, panicking and distressing myself over it. I am having a battle here, and if I leave now, I will lose it. I don't want that."

With that, Severus reached out his hands to Lily and Harry. Earnestly grabbing one of his hands, Lily and Harry smiled reassuringly at Severus.

"We're in this together, Sev."

"Indeed we are." Harry replied, looking at Severus right in the eye. They shared a silent moment, both of them thinking about Harry's secret and how to tell that to Lily.

"Ahem... Uh... If you'll excuse me," Harry started getting up awkwardly, "I'll go take a quick bath."

"Yes, sure Harry." Lily replied and Severus silently nodded his head.

Harry left the two of them in the kitchen and walked in the small bathroom. Hurriedly taking off his clothes and letting the hot water run, he sat on the toilet lid and accioed his wand from the shelf. Slowly but firmly, he started to slashing the flesh of his left forearm with parallel cuts. At first, his wand resisted harming its owner. But Harry was a strong wizard. He forced his wand even harder, causing the cuts to be deeper. He didn't know why he was doing what he was doing. But he was doing it anyway. Maybe to release the pain, maybe to feel the pain, or maybe to punish himself... Whatever the reason was, it definitely made him feel more alive. He got up from the toilet, slowly getting into the tub and letting the warm water envelop his weak and bloody body. This was only five minutes before he finally lost consciousness.

* * *

To be continued...


End file.
